Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
