What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
