And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
