Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
