thus making me awesome and them whores
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
