i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
