Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
