I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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