Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
