If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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