I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
