I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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