it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
