Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
