I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
