We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
