so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
