3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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