I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
