wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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