You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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