roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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