I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
