She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
