You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
