Farmville is her only friend.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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