question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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