i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
