he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Im part way to drunk.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
