ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
