I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
