I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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