I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
