Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
