Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
