It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
