Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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