I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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