the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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