Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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