your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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