Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
