His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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