i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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