I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize