I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
