I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
