I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
