32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
