He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
