A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
