Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I did not marry a roomba.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
