i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
