that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
