it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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