so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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