There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
