Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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