So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm too high and old for this...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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