then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
