I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize