Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
