last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
