Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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