and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
