At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
