this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
