Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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