how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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