Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
