I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
