Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
