He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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