I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just found a bag of teeth...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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