Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
