The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
