Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
