I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
that is very illegal...i love you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
