I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am one with the molecules
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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