Just fell off a train. Bad.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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