the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
